#knowing it. Sometimes a breakdown happens over the course of several months and isn't one explosive event

[bumblingbabooshka]

Janeway crashing on Tuvok's couch post Voyager is a funny idea to me because make no mistake, she COULD just get another house in the no-money Earth future or stay with her own family but I think what she really needs is to just bounce between her new Admiral's office and Tuvok's guest room for a few months so she never has to think about her own personal life and she and Tuvok can talk about how fine they are and how unnecessary everyone's worry about them is while they're both very clearly going through something. Bonus points if this is latter mirrored by Tuvok staying at Janeway's place a bit later on and Janeway doesn't even know why and doesn't quite know how to broach the subject with Tuvok because they don't usually talk about that sort of thing and neither wants to change that part of their relationship because it's one of the few things that hasn't changed and that's comforting so she takes him on some maybe not totally official mission with her instead and it goes sideways and everyone gets mad at them. There's no real resolution to this, every planet just keeps spinning.

[jtrokujo]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐊

paring: Tobio Kageyama x fem!Reader

word count: 2.9k

warnings: for people who are dealing with depression or who are currently lonely etc please talk to someone. I don't know myself if that needs a warning, but I still wanted to write it here.

gerne: depression

summary: from a happy relationship to pure loneliness. even though the relationship was so beautiful it ended anyway, would they ever talk to each other again?

—

The days are just around the corner.

The days we are together, but unfortunately also the last time, because after this day everyone goes their own way.

You grow up, some start your own family, buy a big house, a pet, but the question is, do I want that?

This is the life that probably every average adult and I don't want such a life, I want to have someone by my side with whom I can be happy, I don't want more.

This someone shouldn't be anyone other than Tobio Kageyama, but we argued and definitely 2 months before our prom and whether it was enough, it was not a 'normal' argument where you get along after 10 or 5 minutes.

No, we had and separated, the relationship was over.

I don't remember how it really came about, because this argument was pure escalation.

We screamed and so loudly that I didn't know myself whether this could be normal for a person.

But I can remember one part of our argument all too well when Kageyama threw our photo on the wall so that the panes of glass were spread across the floor.

It was the picture with the most emotions, these moments were so beautiful that we did everything that nothing would ever come that could destroy something like that, we were either naive or stupid.

This picture was on our anniversary, our 2 year old, the day that made us naive that we could be together forever.

We were together for a lovely 2 years, I was at his games, we bought mangas, drank our coffee together and ate our favorite cake over our favorite coffee, where we also had our second date.

I remember too well how Kageyama tried to ask me at the time if I would go to the school ball with him, after I answered 'yes' he hugged me by putting all his weight on my body, a little heavy.

But I should seriously stop thinking about the old days after knowing his face - and he is mine.

There are also enough boys or even easier, I just don't go there, but I still have to think about the expensive dress my parents had saved for me.

Knowing not to dress just because of a guy shows how weak I am, I just let my dreams, which I've had for years, burst?

Even when I was little I dreamed of dancing with my lover in front of all classmates, how his amorous eyes met mine and then he just wanted to be with me, which is why he took my hand and we together from school, or wherever we are, and then he just looks at me and says how much he loves me, until it rains in a moment and we still dance together until the night ends.

However, we stopped and his steps approached me and his eyes met my lips, that's the moment, in the middle of the rain he would kiss me.

That's the stereotype that almost every girl had, but only almost.

By that I mean your lover kisses you in the middle of the rain.

It's only noon.

I should make something of my day instead of just thinking about the weirdest things, or about him.

With no motivation whatsoever, she took her cell phone and wrote to a good friend.

TIME SKIP

"Really, I'm proud of you for going out. Believe me or not, but I was seriously worried that you would spend your life thinking until prom."

Said the young volleyball player from her school and hugged her as he finished his sentence.

"I'm fine and you don't have to worry about me, Sugawara."

She muttered while her head stayed on his left chest and she could feel his heartbeat.

Walking together in the city they talk about a different topic every 5 minutes and none of them seem to bother, sometimes they talk about silly series, sometimes they gossip about their classmates, sometimes they give each other little advice until he said this " Tell me, do you already have a mask? "

She looked at him in amazement and asked "Which mask?"

"We have the topic of the masked ball, you were in favor of it when we talked to the others about it."

Not all of that.

Annoyed, she sighed and saw a mother taking care of her daughter, who has a small wound.

"(Y / N)?" he asked her and grabbed her shoulders and said right away, "How about we take a little break. I heard that the new animated film isn't that bad after all, come on."

Nobody who could see her from the outside could say she was crying, but she did, unfortunately couldn't.

Your body doesn't cry, your mind does.

To know someone like Sugawara is like a gift from heaven, a pure guardian angel.

When we arrived at the cinema, (Y / N) paid Ticktes and Sugawara for the meal.

Strangers would think it was a date, even if it was a friendship date, because just being friends with the opposite sex doesn't mean that they can be a couple or anything else.

(Y / N) should already choose a place and not long she found one, if that wasn't enough, but the hall is empty, a dream come true, sitting she took her cell phone and scrolled through her gallery, two words , a mistake.

Every second photo feels like it is from Kageyama.

Small tears welled up in her eyes, but she knew he wasn't worth it.

"(Y / N)?" she hears Sugawara's voice in amazement.

She turned and got his attention.

Sitting comfortably he started to eat and asked her if her cell phone was on mute, nodding she answered him and asked him if she could rest her head.

"Uh, of course, why not?" and made himself comfortable.

And now the 15 minute long commercials started.

TIME SKIP

Together with a friend in the shop, the two teenagers look for a mask to steal away the ball.

The mood for it is in the basement.

For once, she goes with someone who is also a gentleman and whether it is not enough, it cannot be overlooked that he has feelings for the classmate.

But what about (Y / N)?

She wants to have time for herself, because you don't necessarily need a partner to be happy, there is also no need.

In addition, she unfortunately still loves him, but the thought of him immediately occurred to her, where is he?

They go to the same class and when school is over she has to go to the sports hall because there is a shorter way and she still doesn't see him, then the thought occurred to her, 'He's not worth it'.

And where are you now?

It is hard to believe that all of the stores are at a tailor's.

But for that the old man seems to be able to do it pretty well, the prices could do away with one or the other, but you only live that way once.

While the friend was still choosing what her mask should look like, (Y / N) already got an idea and told the old man that she had an idea.

Because of her little mental breakdowns, it's nice to see that she has other things on her mind, but while she's talking to the old man about the mask and he's already preparing a sketch, the black-haired one is on the other side of town, alone though not.

"You don't even try to get in touch with her. What you said to her shouldn't say anything to anyone, so go to her tomorrow at school and apologize, then you can both live in peace."

Immediately after the little volleyball player finished his sentence, the black haired volleyball player threw him in the face, silencing him.

"H-hey! What was that supposed to mean?"

"You should stop talking!"

Kageyama yelled at his friend.

"You made me come with you!" he pisses at him.

Trapped in his own mind, Kageyama threw the ball to Hinata, his mistake being that he 1. hit it too hard and 2. the ball was a little too high, which is an advantage for Hinata.

Fixing on the ball, he jumped into the heights of the ball and hit it.

Immediately the ball landed roughly on Kageyama's face, holding his nose painfully, which was bleeding from himself.

Hinata, who is somewhat panicked, apologized several times and handed him a small handkerchief.

That still has him, probably what the pain his ex-girlfriend had to endure immediately after he ended the relationship with her, but he doubts that right away, pain like the one he has is not at all comparable to that of (Y / N) and many other people.

Trapped in his own mind, Kageyama threw the ball to Hinata, his mistake being that he 1. hit it too hard and 2. the ball was a little too high, which is an advantage for Hinata.

Fixing on the ball, he jumped into the heights of the ball and hit it.

Immediately the ball landed roughly on Kageyama's face, holding his nose painfully, which was bleeding from himself.

Hinata, who is somewhat panicked, apologized several times and handed him a small handkerchief.

That still has him, probably what the pain his ex-girlfriend had to endure immediately after he ended the relationship with her, but he doubts that right away, pain like the one he has is not at all comparable to that of (Y / N) and many other people.

He looked at his hand, which was covered with blood, he immediately took his bottle with his free hand and poured it over his hand.

Then he looked at Hinata and sighed, "Let's go shopping tomorrow."

Hinata himself noticed how his friend was changing, but he does not want to interfere in matters that do not concern him, but unfortunately he knew too well that it cannot go on like this and since Kageyama and something has happened Hinata reached for his cell phone and wrote (Y / N).

It is late in the evening when (Y / N) came home safe and sound, she took a warm shower, but immediately afterwards she went straight to her room without having eaten anything.

She carefully took her finished mask out of her bag, then took out her headphones, snacks, her wallet and her cell phone, when she wanted to see if she got a message from her friend, she saw that she had one about 3 hours ago Message received from Hinata.

Hey (Y / N), do you have time tomorrow?

Want to annoy you. :)

She couldn't help but grin and wrote to him to get a volleyball.

It's nice to have someone like Hinata because no matter what comes between you, he's always there for you.

Hinata wrote her that she should have nice dreams and was offline immediately afterwards.

(Y / N) decided to sleep right after, because even if she wasn't in the mood to meet anyone before that, apart from her friend from lunchtime, saying no to Hinata is a big taboo.

The next morning (Y / N) got ready and told her parents that Hinata was coming.

Snacks on the desk, the cuddly pillows spread out on the bed and the old Nintendo lying in bed.

Riding a bike with a rucksack, little Orange made his way to his girlfriend.

The weather was too good enough for such a day, because the sun was covered by wool and the clouds are gray, not white like yesterday.

But that didn't stop Hinata from being happy.

After about half an hour, Hinata finally arrived late, he put his bike right next to the door of the (H / C) hairy girl and rang the bell.

Without waiting long the door opened, contrary to what he expected, he saw his girlfriend with an honest smile.

After a short hug, he entered the little house, but of course he took off his shoes for the first time.

While the two friends were having fun, the black-haired one sits alone in his room and watches his favorite films.

Today the day has arrived.

This morning (Y / N) had showered and at the moment she was doing her hair with the help of her mother.

At the same time, Kageyama is pondering in the shower while the water flows through his body.

When the hairstyle fits perfectly on the head (Y / N) just pulled a thin dressing gown under her underwear and watched the new episodes of her series at the same time.

She looks at her cell phone every now and then and notices how slowly the time goes by.

She still has a good 5 hours ahead of her.

TIME SKIP

While her mother helps her to lock the dress, (Y / N) stared at the floor thoughtfully.

"You look like a little princess." said her mother to her and her ear and she looked at the mirror which is in front of them and touched her daughter's shoulders.

A little insecure, she cocked her head and looked in the mirror and she looks pretty pretty.

The hairstyle fits perfectly in the head, the dress exudes an extraordinary aura and now the only thing missing is the mask.

"Where's my mask." she asked her mother, she will get it right away which one was on her bed.

"Thanks." she thanked her and hugged her mother, but not only because of this mask, no.

When she found out that her daughter's relationship was failing, she was always there for her daughter and even managed to cheer her up.

"You have to be there in 20 minutes, come I'll drive you there." said the mother and went ahead.

(Y / N) quickly took her little bag and put her cell phone, power bank and mask there before she left her room.

In the car she asked her mother if she could also pick up Hinata, with a 'yes' she agreed and drove in the direction of the orange-haired one.

He was about to set off on a bicycle when his mother honked the horn and drew attention to him (Y / N), got out of the car and said loudly that he should get in.

Hinata quickly told his mother that he was being driven and ran straight to his girlfriend. "You look great, Hinata." she said to him with which he said, "You always do that." answered.

Giggling, the friends sat down in the car and talked about 10 different topics in this short drive.

"We are there." said the mother.

As they got out, they thanked them and made their way into the building.

"Nervous?" asked Hinata (Y / N), she just shook her head and said that they should go inside.

They parted ways in the building as they are now keeping their friends for company.

Hinata went to his volleyball and greeted each one of them.

(Y / N) went to her small circle of friends and hugged each of them with a warm hug. She noticed that she had forgotten to put on her mask, what she is doing now.

Kageyama, who also talks to Hinata, looks out for his ex-girlfriend, because the only thing he still wants to do is to apologize, he was cowardly yes.

That's why he's so eager to apologize today and besides, he still loves her but he knows himself that it might be better not to get together with her again.

The crowds of students drink some punch, some dance like crazy or talk.

After the time the music got a bit too loud for (Y / N), so she leaves the building and takes a little break.

Without knowing someone else came out the door and it was none other than Kageyama.

"(Y / N)." she heard him say her name, unfortunately she knew that voice too well.

Turning around nervously, she saw him taking the mask off his face, she did the same and asked him what he was doing here.

"I wanted to apologize to you, apologize for how I treated you.

We both know you deserve someone better. I'm terribly sorry (Y / N). "

Kageyama apologized and bowed to (Y / N), of course she was a bit overwhelmed but immediately said "You don't have to apologize for what you are not guilty of, we both made a mistake, so I just think we don't need an apology. "

He hugged her warmly and mumbled softly "Do you think we could become something?"

"Sure, but we shouldn't think about tomorrow if you get what I'm talking about."

Nodding, he continued the hug until she said, "Let's go in, I'm getting cold, aren't you?"

"No, but I think you're right."

TIME SKIP

It has been a total of 2 years after graduation.

The black-haired guy was just getting the last boxes out of the car, while (Y / N) put the boxes in the respective room.

Kageyama quietly crept behind (Y / N) and covered her eyes "Kageyama since I've been your fiancée you can't seem to do anything other than cover my eyes, right?"

She giggled and took his hands from her eyes.

He just giggled and shrugged his shoulders and asked "Shall we order food today?"

"Only when you talk."

"Yeah ok, lazy." he mumbled, but he wasn't quiet enough because she threw one of the little things at him.

"I heard it."

[donaidk]

This isn't really F1 related but I really hope you don't mind me asking. I saw you mentioning first hand experiences with sexism and how you think about giving up dreams because of fears. As someone who's about to go into university could you tell me what you mean with those experiences. What happened? Ofc if it's triggering for you please just ignore this but thank you for your help if you can talk about it 💝

Hi Anon! Luckily it’s not triggering me in a way that I can’t talk about, just mostly makes me angry and tired mentally. But if it can help someone I will gladly talk about it and show you how it affects me personally. I wanna highlight the word personally because we are all different and what hurts me could be nothing special for someone else. Also, one more important thing, I don’t think that every male human being is the devil and please never think about everybody as someone who wanna hurt you, as most of them are probably normal people. But maybe let’s start from where it all started as I want you to see the whole picture if you’re asking for true help ☺️

Warning: Long, not so happy post mentioning different kinds of sexism around university studies and working somewhere that’s usually filled with mostly males

To start off: I'm not someone to take unhelpful and toxic criticism from anyone. I like to think that I'm aware what I'm capable of and who I truly am, without others trying to tell me how someone should act, speak and think. My family raised me to make my own decisions and navigate life in a way that makes me happy and not others who think they have a say in my life. That's why, most of the time, I did achieve what I set out as a goal for myself. It's never easy and everyone has breakdowns, sometimes more than they should when they tend to overthink situations. However, hitting your goals and getting to live a life which you imagined for yourself never comes easy, but people will never see the behind the scenes struggles you had on the way to your current position. So please, take my experiences with a grain of salt and if you wanna try yourself at something don’t hold back just because someone had bad experiences in the field. (Although, please do not choose it if you know for sure it will only hurt you!)

So the whole story: Back in May last year I imagined the last past months quite differently. I envisioned my family being proud of me for reaching a milestone successfully, meeting new - more mature - people who will finally look at me for who I am inside and not outside and also getting to study something that brought a smile to my face every second of the day when I was thinking about it. I choose my university carefully, knowing full well how none of them will be easy to complete, but at least wanted to enjoy the years I was about to commit to the community there. I had friends and aquintances, from both genders, telling me how much they enjoyed spending their Bachelor and Masters study time here and how it was such a loving community all around. I was ecstatic when I got the text that I got in, and throughout the whole summer I couldn't wait to start my first semester.

Fast forward to September/October right before all hell broke loose. I made quite a few friends, got to be part of a fantastic study group which stayed together even when we changed to online learning and most importantly loved everything I got to study. Yes, there were a few classes which were hard or seemed unnecessary but I still enjoyed them and thought I did quite well compared to how it was such a deep dive after high school. Then I slowly got a taste of a side of everything I knew will be there but hoped will somehow stay away from me. These are the first hand experiences I also mentioned under this Susie post as it was the whole point where I thought back to everything. The list goes like this:

Almost failing a class just because our female teacher thinks all girls sleep around or flirt their way through uni with all the male teachers/tutors, and thinks we have to be punished through making us fail no matter our knowledge of the class. I got given a thesis that i knew word-by-word, which was my fave to learn, and I still was clawing for the second grade in our system. Fair, right?

We have a teacher who's known for letting girls who dress pretty just for his class pass his class easier while he makes it hell for the others (girls, boys are graded for what they actually give in). It's common knowledge and looked at like it's completely normal behaviour.

In one class we have to send in homework and we can get 0-1 point for it, depending on how well it works. If you don't send it in you get -1, and at the end of the semester you have to have at least 0 points all together. But if you can't send it in, you have one more chance to do so in the next 7 days for 0 points no matter if it works or not. This is something every student gets to use and it's not a personal advantage. However, one of the boys in my class probably didn't pay attention and didn't know about it. Why is it important you may ask. Well, because when he heard me ask about it in his opinion I'm 'a bitch who uses her gender to get better grades and pass uni easier than others'.

The same boy has been harrassing two other girls in dms and made fun of them for their tiny mistakes. He also called me a bitch once again right in front of the whole class and our young male tutor (who I have to add I love because he's always helpful and never looks at us different), making the whole situation truly awkward.

Getting told by another student that they would be willing to share notes to me if I wore more feminine clothing and laughing about his comment with his mates.

Family members saying I probably chose what I did because I would have mostly just boys around me and that I should just give up if I feel like this is my only chance at finding a partner. At the age of fucking 19, where I'm sorry, but I had more important things to experience than chasing after boys who were all immature compared to what I was looking for. Same person saying that he thought I wouldn't be one for adult work, as it usually ends with us sleeping around for titles and positions anyways.

I also have to add again that these are of course the extremes, and at the same time I know several fantastic students and teachers who I love with my whole heart from both genders. But every memory gets stained when you get into situations like the ones mentioned above. It also makes me scared about the male-oriented atmosphere I'll have to work in, if the one I have right now, which is deemed a safe environment for all, already showed signs for being dangerous. It's also probably worse online as people get bolder by not having to show their faces or name while making comments and saying shit. But I still don’t want to let this change my mind about something I spent years on building up the plans for. Even if it will be hard I want to show that their stupid opinions won’t break me and will never stop me from achieving the final dream of mine.

Even though we are living in the change, it’s still not fully here and in my opinion won’t be here for quite a bit. But you can take part in it and help it move forward. I do change back and forth between getting my energy from these and letting it break me as I’m a human with feelings and not a robot, but what matters is which side will win in the end. Even if you feel like giving up, just try getting on with the next day. If the bad side can’t stay for long it won’t be the winner.

It’s a lot easier to get through if you have friends who support you, but it’s never gonna be actually easy. Things like this will hurt you, but also make you stronger in my opinion. It’s important that you know who you are and what you are like, and not just take everything that’s thrown at you. People who are trying to hurt you are cowards and deserve no attention. You’re the one living with yourself and the only one who actually knows who are you inside. Never let them change you!

I’m sorry for the late answer, but I wanted to truly think about this and not just give a quick and short answer that means nothing to someone who reads it. I probably went in circles a little bit but hope it makes sense. I also truly hope that you will enjoy university and that situations like these will stay out of your experiences throughout the years. Remember, that these aren’t setbacks, just hurdles that you will be able to jump over either today or tomorrow or another day. Just take everything as it comes and make your decisions only for yourself. Love ya and good luck 🧡